DR. WALLACE: I'm one of two girls who are twin sisters, and we're about to turn 16 in less than two months. We were both promised the opportunity to start dating at the age of 16, but my mother told me yesterday that she's going to make me wait until I'm 16 and a half because of some trouble I got into recently. She also told me that she didn't think I was mature enough to go on dates yet.
But the crazy thing is, she's allowing my twin sister to start dating at the age of 16! I feel this is totally unfair because if one twin is allowed to date at a certain age, the other one should be allowed to do the same.
We are not identical twins, but we are pretty close with each other and similar in many ways. It's true that I did get into some trouble that my sister did not get into, but I don't feel it was anywhere near being bad enough to lose six months of my life I could have been dating. What do you think? — My Mom Didn't Keep Her Word, via email
MY MOM DIDN'T KEEP HER WORD: I feel the best you can do at this point is to not argue with your mother but instead do everything in your power to demonstrate to her that you've learned a lesson and that you can demonstrate enough maturity for her to be confident to let you date sometime soon.
For the next two weeks before you girls enjoy your birthdays, do your absolute best to be reliable, responsible and respectful. Do not get into any trouble of any kind, and don't talk back or do anything that would draw attention to you.
Then the day before your birthday, ask your mother calmly and politely if she would consider giving you a special birthday present. Ask her if she could reduce the six-month period you must wait to go on your first date by 50% so that you could be able to go on your first date three months after your birthday.
Tell her that you will continue to be on your best behavior and work on your maturity very carefully during that time. Mention that if you make further mistakes, you'll understand that you'll have to wait the full six months. But see if you can get your mother to agree to consider reducing your penalty if you behave well. If you can do this, with a little luck, she may even let you date sooner than the three months if all goes well.
In the meantime, root for your sister, help her in any way you can, and be happy for her when she does get to go out on her first couple of dates. Being a supportive twin to your sister is good for the two of you, and your mother is sure to notice your developing level of maturity, which is a very good thing for you.
I FEEL COMPETITIVE BUT APPREHENSIVE AT THE SAME TIME
DR. WALLACE: My best girlfriend and I have been friends for just about 10 years now, dating all the way back to our grade school days.
We girls have been through a lot together, have a lot in common and have been great friends throughout the years. Within the past year or so, I've noticed that I've secretly become quite competitive with her, especially since we're in high school together.
She dresses really well, she's extremely friendly with everyone, and she has had a couple of really great boyfriends already in her life.
Apparently, she and her current boyfriend are starting to get more and more serious in a physical kind of way. She doesn't give me direct details, but she hints around the edges, and this makes me feel uncomfortable.
Not only does it make me feel uncomfortable, but it makes me feel competitive, like I need to be going through the same experiences with a boyfriend of my own. The only problem with this is that I've had three short relationships that never went anywhere over the past several months, and I'm currently between boyfriends right now.
However, despite my competitive streak, I also know I'm not ready to push myself much in terms of getting more physical with a guy, so I'm wondering how I'll resolve the dilemma in my mind over what I should do next. What's the best way you can think of for me to look at the unique situation I find myself in? — I'm Eager Yet Hesitant, via email
I'M EAGER YET HESITANT: I can't tell you how many letters this column has received over the years from female high school students who truly regretted getting physical before they could handle it mentally, emotionally or ethically. Quite often those who give in ended up losing a boyfriend anyhow and were often left with deep regret that bothered them for the rest of their lives to some degree.
Do your best to replace thoughts of competition with thoughts about how you are wise enough to take care of yourself and protect yourself as you navigate through your high school years into young adulthood.
Trust me, thinking about this deeply and planning in advance can provide you with great advantages that you'll fully realize years from now when you look back on your current experiences.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Marlon Alves at Unsplash
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